Robby and I decided to write our own vows for the wedding—which
is quickly approaching. I finally sat down and wrote mine today.
I started writing the vows a few weeks ago, and I was
surprised that I had such a hard time writing them. I mean, I’m a writer. I
thought I would just sit down and the words would just pour out of me. But
everything I wrote sounded forced or cliché. I felt like I was writing a
greeting card, not my vows. I have to make a confession--I Googled "wedding vow samples" for inspiration one night, but I was too ashamed to read the results.
But today the words just seemed to slide right off of my pen
and onto the paper. I didn’t need to re-write or scratch out words—everything that
I wanted to say just came out.
One of the best things about being in a healthy relationship
is the fact that you get to be yourself. I have found that the more I act like
myself, then the more Robby seems to love me. Perhaps it is because the more I
act like myself, the more I seem to love myself.
I always thought that loving someone else and sharing my
life with him would be the hard part. But I’ve realized that loving myself is
the hard part. I don’t want to change Robby—I love him just the way he is. But
I find myself trying to change little parts of me in an effort to make me seem
more lovable. You know, like trying to pretend I’m always happy or that I don’t
make mistakes or that my house is always clean.
I also used to think that the secret to a good marriage was
changing myself in order to get along with my spouse better—you know that old
saying, “you have to give a little to get a little.” Well, that’s a bunch of crap, because I gave a
lot and I got very little in return.
It’s not about compromise—it’s about love. And if you don’t
love yourself and accept yourself for you who are, then you have nothing left
of value to compromise because you have already compromised on everything that
should be important to you—you have compromised your happiness and your
personality. You bring nothing to the
table.
Well, this time around, I realize I bring a lot to the
table. I am happy with myself. I love myself for who I am. I don’t need to
worry about how I phrase my marriage vows—I just need to be true to myself,
because Robby is in love with me—the real me. Not the fake me that used to
pretend to be happy and pretend to be this perfect wife who kept a perfect home
and had perfect children. He’s in love with the person who says what she
believes and who loves him just as much as he loves her. He’s in love with the real
me and he’s okay with that. He loves me despite my many flaws, and I am more
than okay with that.
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