I should be working on my thesis, but I don’t feel like it
today. I should also be getting my homework done, but I have no motivation for
that either. I’m over half-way through with this quarter of classes. I am
usually an emotional mess at this point, but not this time. I don’t even
remember the last time I cried about getting homework done.
I would like to say that it is because I really don’t care
about school anymore. But that is not true. I still care and I still try to get
good grades. I still do my homework on time and keep up with my reading. But
this quarter has been a real eye-opener for me.
One of the classes I am taking this quarter is an online
course where we have to work on a group project for almost every assignment. We
were assigned our group at the beginning and we have to stay with that group
for the entire course. I am stuck with 4 other ladies, and it has been nothing
short of a nightmare.
I realized that I don’t like working in groups—especially an
all-female group. I also realized that my tolerance for excuses and bullshit
gets lower as I get older.
A few of the ladies are fine partners—we get along and we
get our stuff done and that’s about it. But there are 2 other girls in the
group that are about to drive me insane. I know more about one girl’s gynecological
problems than what research she did for the last project. And the other girl
will drop off the face of the earth for about a week and then resurface with a
million excuses about why she couldn’t do her work. She gets extremely
defensive for a day and then turns into the biggest butt-kiss for another few
days before she goes back to her cult or wherever it is that she disappears to.
There was a time when I thought it would be great for me to
have my MFA so I could teach college courses, but now I think I would rather
work anywhere else. I don’t know how college professors do it. At what point to
do you look at a twenty-something year old and say, “I don’t care that your
roommate broke-up with her boyfriend and you had to stay up all night talking to
her—you still have to do your work!”
I guess I have always been one of those people who admit to
my mistakes. There are times when I forget to do assignments or I fail to submit
homework properly. It’s always easier to just say, “I messed up.” And most of
the time, the professor will let me correct my mistake or give me partial
credit for being honest.
I also have to wonder what it is about these slackers that
make them think anyone cares about their long work hours or menstrual cramps?
We all have real issues that make college work even harder. If life is so bad
then might I suggest you contact the professor and have him give you another
assignment—it’s just a thought.
I usually make pretty good grades. I will be lucky to pass
this class at this point. Our grades suck so badly and I have no control over
it. It’s a group project and you get graded on the lowest common denominator—and
we all know who that is.
So, I’m trying to figure out what lesson I can learn from
this experience. At first glance, I realized that there is no lesson to be learned. I
already knew that there were sucky people in the world. I already knew that there
were lazy people in the world. I already knew that I hate group projects. I
also already knew that there are some people who only care about themselves.
I guess what I didn’t know is that I don’t feel it’s my job
to try to control everything around me anymore. My professor can either change
our grade to reflect our individual work or he can continue to say “my hands
are tied.” These lazy women can either do their work or continue to drag us all
down with them. It doesn’t matter what these people do. I’m done with trying to
fix everyone around me. I’m done with trying to manipulate the situation so
that I can get what I want. I’m done with doing other people’s work so that I
can look good. And in a few weeks, I will be done with this class and I will
never have to work with these people again.
We live in a society where people want to make excuses and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. The excuses I've heard are over the top.
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