I turned 36 today. I always dread my birthday--it reminds me how lonely I am and how I have not achieved the things I thought I would. But today was different. My phone started ringing early this morning and I received several text messages from well wishers telling me "Happy Birthday!" Of course Facebook does a good job reminding everyone that today is your birthday.
Maybe today is different because I feel different from last year. No, I don't feel older. I'm sure I look older. But that doesn't even matter to me. I feel lighter today--and I'm not talking about my weight either.
After two years, I finally received my judege-signed divorce papers on Monday night. I kept thinking to myself that I didn't need those papers to feel divorced, but I was so wrong. Now I know that the nightmare marriage is finally over. I don't have to ever go back to that life again.
I know it makes my kids sad, but I've learned that as long as I am happy then they will also be happy.
So now what? I'm divorced and 36 and my job is listed as "grad student." I guess that would depress some people, but it makes me feel alive. I feel like anything is possible for me at this point. I don't have anyone holding me back and I don't have any more drama in my life. And I also know that my life will only continue to get better everyday.
My daughter pointed out to me that this is the Year of the Rabbit on the Chinese calendar, and according to a dinner menu she read at China Super Buffet I am a Rabbit. She said, "This is your year mom."
So, Happy Birthday to me. I can't wait to see what trails I find myself hopping to this year.