Thursday, March 31, 2011

I said "I do" then "I don't" and now I say "maybe"

After two years of solitude, I decided I was ready to start dating.  After all the flirty comments and promises of dates, I figured it would be only a matter of days before my social calendar was full.  Months later, I realized that apparently it is easier for most men to say "they would like to date me" rather than to actually date me.
I should probably mention the fact that I am totally turned off by the stench of desperation which seems to be the popular fragrance these days.  I truly believe that most men hate to be alone and would be willing to do just about anything to convince you to move in with them and play house for eternity or until they found the girl they were really looking for.
That being said, I took the plunge and joined the growing majority of adults in the online dating world.  While I'm not an expert like my single cousin, I did learn a lot about online dating in just a few short days. 
If you have a few dollars in your pocket, then don't even look at the free websites unless you are desperate to find high school dropouts who spend more money on their gold and diamond encrusted teeth than actual trips to the dentist to clean their real teeth.  Also, some websites are total meat markets.  If you aren't able to take a good picture of yourself, then don't even try.  It's all about image on these sites.  And FYI to those who are clueless--No self-respecting woman wants to date a man wearing acid washed jeans and no shirt who resorts to taking his picture of his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  The passport photo guy at Walgreen's will take your picture for $5.00--just saying.
So, I went with Eharmony.  I felt ridiculous the entire time I was signing up--and it just kept going and going and going.  You have to answer about 50 or more questions about yourself.  Most of the questions are the same only re-worded a little different each time.  I guess this is how they are able to do your full "personality profile" that will link you to other singles in the area.  They also do these daily posts that are supposed to help you navigate the world of online dating--they are so helpful... 
I have to admit I was a little scared after I read the section about safety on the first date--one bit of advice suggested that you have a buddy who knows where you are going on your date and that you should call that person every hour so that they know you haven't had your head cut off and your body stuffed in the back of your date's car.  That's when they offer you another opportunity to purchase a quasi-background check on yourself.  If you pass the check, then you have this special icon that appears next to your photo so that other singles can have a warm and fuzzy feeling about picking you as their next potential date.
The whole thing is ridiculous to me, but what's a single girl to do these days?  I don't do the whole club scene and most of my friends are married and don't know a lot of single men.  Also, I don't have a lot of patience with people and I feel confident that I can tell if you are a total douche bag by just looking at your picture--yes I'm talking to you, guy in the acid washed jeans.
So I came across a guy whose profile made me laugh out loud--which is hard to do these days.  After weeks of emails, we finally met face to face the other night and I have to admit that it was rather nice. I haven't been on a first date since I was 17 years old. I'm not sure what will happen next but I have to admit that it was nice to talk to someone who has the same weird sense of humor that I have. 
So would I recommend online dating?  I don't know--maybe.  But I would recommend taking some time for yourself first.  I needed these past 2 years to get myself straightened out and to be comfortable with who I am.  I know most people don't even want to think about going years without sex, but I can promise you, you will survive.  Maybe that's too much information for you, but it's the truth. 


  1. This is hilarious. I love your sense of humor! However, I do have a soft-spot for men who can pull off acid-washed jeans and stink of desperation.... just kidding!

  2. It's refreshing to read something so honest, open and funny. Thanks for sharing!