Happy Birthday Amy!

Today is my sister’s 40^th birthday. It’s hard for me to tell if she is depressed by the milestone or not. She has mentioned her disgust with the age change a few times, but she doesn’t seem fazed by 40. I guess it takes a few days for the shock to settle in.

I know I have a hard time believing my sister is 40. It just seems too old for her. We still do a lot of the same things we used to do when we were teens—giggle, talk about sexy guys we see at the grocery store, stay up all night playing cards, drink too much, and hangout all day at the beach with the kids. But I just can’t seem to get a handle on one question, “Where has the time gone?”

Amy on vacation

With each passing year, the reality of aging sets in. Amy’s daughter started her freshman year in college in the fall. Amy and her husband are glad to finally have that honeymoon time they didn’t get to get in the beginning, but I can tell the empty nest bothers her sometimes.

I’m not sure what I will do when that day comes for me. I’ve been such a hands-on mom for so long that the idea of having an empty nest seems exciting and painful at the same time. So much time has already passed with my children that it’s hard for me to know “where has the time gone.”

While I’m glad to be rid of diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights, the idea of being rid of karate practice, horse riding lessons, Girl Scouts, and art camp makes me a little sad. The idea of being 40 makes my stomach hurt a little bit. But the knowledge that my sister and I will never be those two giggling girls sitting in the back of my parents van enduring another drawn-out vacation makes me want to cry.

At the beach with Amy

 I’m not ready for us to get old. I’m not ready for my children to get older. I don’t want to come home to a house that isn’t full of giggling children and toys thrown on the floor. I’m not ready to plan my day without taking into consideration if we have doctors’ appointments or PTA night at the school.

I’m proud of my sister for aging gracefully. She raised her daughter on her own on a teacher’s salary and did an amazing job. She found a way to balance motherhood with her career and still make time to create a healthy relationship that turned into a once-in –a-lifetime kind of romance with her husband. She didn’t let herself get bogged down with regrets or missed chances—she has lived each day to its fullest and she probably always will.

I hope that when the hands of time click down to the day my children leave home and begin their new lives that I will be grounded enough in my own world to continue to grow and flourish in this new life I have built for myself. I hope I grow up to be like my sister, because if she can make 40 look great, she’s gonna make 50 look unstoppable.

I love you, Amy.

A new friend

What a difference a week makes. Or maybe I should say, “What difference does a week make?”

I guess for me, this week has made a lot of difference. This time last week, I was sitting at home getting things ready for Veronica’s surgery in Jacksonville. My sister came to town to take care of Jude and get him to school. She was also a big help in taking my mind off of things. I am happiest when my sister is with me.

Amy and I on vacation--laughed so hard I hurt myself...

The surgery went amazing—the hospital, doctors, and staff were incredible. It was one of the best hospital stays we have ever had.

My ex showed up and decided that he was not speaking to me and it made me very uncomfortable. He was the only person who showed up at the hospital, so my loneliness was overwhelming.

Of course I had people calling my cell phone and checking in so I felt the love from the outside world. And one of the best things that happened was Robby’s sister reached out to me through email. We emailed back and forth while I was sitting in Veronica’s dark room watching her sleep.

She sent me the most hilarious stories about co-workers and her survival strategies of dealing with the “public” at her job at the library. Despite the humor we portrayed on the surface of our emails, there was this underlying sense of connection that began to develop through our communication. I realized that I have the unique opportunity to gain another close sister relationship. I only have one sister and our relationship is the most remarkable connection I share with anyone.

My sister Amy and I are very close. We share the most devoted bond that I have with another person. We have always been that way and I know that nothing will ever change that. We talk at least once per day on the phone and I never get tired of our conversations.

Robby and his sister are extremely close as well. He adores her. She is, without a doubt, the most important person in his life.

Even though we have never met face to face, I now feel a very strong bond with this woman. We both adore Robby and she knows that he adores the kids and me. But more importantly, we connected in our bizarre sense of humor. That doesn’t happen often to me, so it makes an impact.

So, while I realized this week that I will most likely lose my home and a large portion of my already depleted savings, I realized that I gained a new friend—perhaps a sister. And that relationship means more to me than the material objects that have held me hostage over the past few years.

So, in one week I went from sad, depressed, and distraught to encouraged, hopeful, and accepting. While a week may make a huge difference in my view on life, I have a feeling that this new relationship will once again change my life for the better.