Monday, May 14, 2012

It's good to finally be me

Robby and I decided to write our own vows for the wedding—which is quickly approaching. I finally sat down and wrote mine today.

I started writing the vows a few weeks ago, and I was surprised that I had such a hard time writing them. I mean, I’m a writer. I thought I would just sit down and the words would just pour out of me. But everything I wrote sounded forced or clichĂ©. I felt like I was writing a greeting card, not my vows. I have to make a confession--I Googled "wedding vow samples" for inspiration one night, but I was too ashamed to read the results.

But today the words just seemed to slide right off of my pen and onto the paper. I didn’t need to re-write or scratch out words—everything that I wanted to say just came out.

One of the best things about being in a healthy relationship is the fact that you get to be yourself. I have found that the more I act like myself, then the more Robby seems to love me. Perhaps it is because the more I act like myself, the more I seem to love myself.

I always thought that loving someone else and sharing my life with him would be the hard part. But I’ve realized that loving myself is the hard part. I don’t want to change Robby—I love him just the way he is. But I find myself trying to change little parts of me in an effort to make me seem more lovable. You know, like trying to pretend I’m always happy or that I don’t make mistakes or that my house is always clean.

I also used to think that the secret to a good marriage was changing myself in order to get along with my spouse better—you know that old saying, “you have to give a little to get a little.”  Well, that’s a bunch of crap, because I gave a lot and I got very little in return.

It’s not about compromise—it’s about love. And if you don’t love yourself and accept yourself for you who are, then you have nothing left of value to compromise because you have already compromised on everything that should be important to you—you have compromised your happiness and your personality.  You bring nothing to the table.

Well, this time around, I realize I bring a lot to the table. I am happy with myself. I love myself for who I am. I don’t need to worry about how I phrase my marriage vows—I just need to be true to myself, because Robby is in love with me—the real me. Not the fake me that used to pretend to be happy and pretend to be this perfect wife who kept a perfect home and had perfect children. He’s in love with the person who says what she believes and who loves him just as much as he loves her. He’s in love with the real me and he’s okay with that. He loves me despite my many flaws, and I am more than okay with that.

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