I should be working on my thesis, but I don’t feel like it today. I should also be getting my homework done, but I have no motivation for that either. I’m over half-way through with this quarter of classes. I am usually an emotional mess at this point, but not this time. I don’t even remember the last time I cried about getting homework done.
I would like to say that it is because I really don’t care about school anymore. But that is not true. I still care and I still try to get good grades. I still do my homework on time and keep up with my reading. But this quarter has been a real eye-opener for me.
One of the classes I am taking this quarter is an online course where we have to work on a group project for almost every assignment. We were assigned our group at the beginning and we have to stay with that group for the entire course. I am stuck with 4 other ladies, and it has been nothing short of a nightmare.
I realized that I don’t like working in groups—especially an all-female group. I also realized that my tolerance for excuses and bullshit gets lower as I get older.
A few of the ladies are fine partners—we get along and we get our stuff done and that’s about it. But there are 2 other girls in the group that are about to drive me insane. I know more about one girl’s gynecological problems than what research she did for the last project. And the other girl will drop off the face of the earth for about a week and then resurface with a million excuses about why she couldn’t do her work. She gets extremely defensive for a day and then turns into the biggest butt-kiss for another few days before she goes back to her cult or wherever it is that she disappears to.
There was a time when I thought it would be great for me to have my MFA so I could teach college courses, but now I think I would rather work anywhere else. I don’t know how college professors do it. At what point to do you look at a twenty-something year old and say, “I don’t care that your roommate broke-up with her boyfriend and you had to stay up all night talking to her—you still have to do your work!”
I guess I have always been one of those people who admit to my mistakes. There are times when I forget to do assignments or I fail to submit homework properly. It’s always easier to just say, “I messed up.” And most of the time, the professor will let me correct my mistake or give me partial credit for being honest.
I also have to wonder what it is about these slackers that make them think anyone cares about their long work hours or menstrual cramps? We all have real issues that make college work even harder. If life is so bad then might I suggest you contact the professor and have him give you another assignment—it’s just a thought.
I usually make pretty good grades. I will be lucky to pass this class at this point. Our grades suck so badly and I have no control over it. It’s a group project and you get graded on the lowest common denominator—and we all know who that is.
So, I’m trying to figure out what lesson I can learn from this experience. At first glance, I realized that there is no lesson to be learned. I already knew that there were sucky people in the world. I already knew that there were lazy people in the world. I already knew that I hate group projects. I also already knew that there are some people who only care about themselves.
I guess what I didn’t know is that I don’t feel it’s my job to try to control everything around me anymore. My professor can either change our grade to reflect our individual work or he can continue to say “my hands are tied.” These lazy women can either do their work or continue to drag us all down with them. It doesn’t matter what these people do. I’m done with trying to fix everyone around me. I’m done with trying to manipulate the situation so that I can get what I want. I’m done with doing other people’s work so that I can look good. And in a few weeks, I will be done with this class and I will never have to work with these people again.