I don’t know why life has to be so unpredictable. I had my day all planned out—wake up and run 4 miles, get home and shower, wake up children for camp, make their lunches while they eat breakfast, drop them off, go to library and finish homework, and then come home and take a short nap before picking up children and making dinner. Sounds like a reasonable plan. I had even done all the grocery shopping this weekend so the meals were ready. So much for plans.
About mid-way into my morning, I received an email from an old friend. I hadn’t heard from him in a while since we aren’t friends any more. He did some things to his family that I don’t agree with and I got tired of his constant complaining and blaming everyone else for his problems. I told him several years ago, “I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t like how you live your life, I’m tired of your games, and there is no amount of history that is going to make me change my mind.”
In his email he tried to be nice in his own weird way, but it was obvious that he contacted me for selfish reasons. He tried to make me understand that my blog was just my hateful way to bash my ex-husband—I believe the words he used were “smear campaign.”
But as much as I tried to ignore it, it bothered me. There was a time when I really respected this guy's opinion and his words made me feel shaky. I decided to leave the library and go home to my husband. I needed a hug.
I guess there will always be a part of me that wants everyone to like me. I know there is a part of me that is bothered by the fact that someone will try to turn other people against me. I work hard to always do the right thing and it is important to me to think that others respect me.
But life has taught me many things these past few years.
1. Don’t make plans
2. Don’t be so hard on myself
3. Don’t waste time trying to prove you are a good person
I don’t need to be liked by everyone. I don’t need to explain myself to people who don’t matter. I don’t need to prove anything. My life is an open book, and I don’t need to justify it to give folks around me that warm-fuzzy feeling.
This blog isn’t a platform for an angry bitter woman who feels the need to air her dirty laundry to the world in an effort to make her ex-husband look like a jerk.
It’s a platform for the voice of a woman who was very lost for a very long time. And it’s not just my voice. It’s the voice of every person who has ever been a victim of adultery. It’s also the voice of every person who has ever made mistakes in judgment, parenting, or relationships. It’s the voice for those of you who haven’t found the courage to tell your story. It’s a voice that I thought was long gone—a voice that gave up on happiness and success, but somehow found her way back to herself and the life she was meant to live.
So, if you don’t like what I write about, then please stop reading my blog. And if you can’t stop reading, then just keep your comments to yourself, because despite the fact that I say I am strong, I still have issues with hate mail and threats. I have never written anything untrue or malicious. I write to heal. I’m just trying to live my life and be a good person. Perhaps you should try it.